Yep ... the inevitable has happened ... today marks my jump from my 30's into my 40's. Why does this make me feel sad? It's not because I am getting older, hell my life is getting better with age ... sadly it's because of what I haven't had ... but there is not a lot one can do about that now, other that to make sure that my sweet babies never now what I have known.
I had intended to include some bits and pieces from some meme's & tags that I have long neglected ... but while I was fiddling around yesterday I came across something I wrote last year after reading one Kirsten had done (mind you mine could never be as well written as hers which is truly amazing please read it!). I don't tend to get to 'deep' here but for today you will have to indulge me ... I'll throw in a few photos so as not to totally bore you all!
I am ...
I am from an old white farm house, pine lined walls, louvered veranda rattling in the wind and a toilet in the ground. I’m from peppercorn trees, a dried up creek, dirt roads roads and mouse plagues.I am from the farm and wheat, black soil and wild pigs. I am from stony paddocks, caster-oil weeds & bindi-eyes in my feet. I am from acres of lush green sorghum and golden grains of wheat. I am from sheep and horses and the wind blowing through my hair. I am from a John Deer tractor, a broken down lawn mower and Holden cars. I am from ‘the shed’, greasy tools, dirty hands and the smell of diesel on my skin. I am from day’s end filth, body fatigue and dust drenched hair. I am from drought & floods and everything in-between.
I am from the land and working hard, from the son of a farmer and daughter of a drunk and what became of the unity of the two. I am from anger, and violence and depression. I am from tightly held secrets and fragmented memories. I am from “work hard and save your money”and “never trust anyone” and “DON’T YOU EVER TELL ANYONE!”. I’m from an uneducated father and a mother who never reached for the sky.I am from hypocrisy, “there is no God!” and “go pray for rain!”... I’m from mocked faith and bigoted hatred.
I am from rum balls and Russian toffee and hedgehog. I’m from pineapple pav and Coca-Cola and my Nana’s homemade tomato sauce. I am from shattered plates, black looks and food strewn on the floor.
I am from a little round Nana that smelt like food and who chased me on her knees, who picnicked with me by the creek and who I loved. I am from grandparents who would drive by our home at night to check that we were still alive.
I am from hours spent on the school bus, dusty roads, tiny schools and one best friend. I am from lies and rumors, nasty girls, isolation, wagging school, and loving boys. I am from Mum’s anger and hatred in her eyes, from lost trust. I am from fear and isolation.
I am from a hard and angry father who ruled with fists and fear. I am from belt buckles and threats and an ever present tightness in my chest. I am from a father who wanted a son but loved me all the same. I am the first child, one of four ... I could not protect them ... I left them behind.
I am from this, this is who I am, this is not what I have become ... I am me.
... On a lighter note this is the card my darling Mother-in-Law gave me ...
I hope that there will be many more anniversaries of my 21st!!! Thanks Dora! So what did I get for my birthday I hear you all asking ..... well for that you will have to check back here next week :)!
I hope you all enjoy the rest of your week!
Kellie
Hi Kellie,
Happy Birthday!!!!
You don't look a day over 39!!!
It's not too bad being 40 is it??? Although my Birthday lasted from the 24th January till the 17th February....think I milked it for everything I could!!!
I love those circles that have taken you so long....
Looking forward to catching-up soon,
Debbie
Posted by: Debbie | February 18, 2009 at 02:47 PM
Happy Birthday Kellie. You're just one year behind me. 40 isn't so bad :o).
Posted by: Tina | February 18, 2009 at 03:28 PM
happy birthday! love your quilts
Posted by: Rhonda | February 18, 2009 at 03:30 PM
Thank you for that. I am similiar, and in some strange forgiving way, I am grateful because if it weren't for where I came from. I know I wouldn't be here being the person that I AM. Happy Birthday! Lots of good things are awaiting!
Posted by: Julie Isa | February 18, 2009 at 03:34 PM
Happy birthday Kellie,
I agree with you, life does get better - I turned 40, met my husband 2 months later and now have the most gorgeous baby girl who turns 2 on Saturday - life is truly amazing.
Hope you have the best of days and year ahead and keep inspiring us with your breathtaking work.
Christine
Posted by: Christine Miller-McKinley | February 18, 2009 at 03:43 PM
Firstly i just want to say how much i enjoy looking at all your gorgeous creations!!
Secondly, Happy Birthday!
And thirdly, thank you for baring your soul to us all. By the sounds of it, our lives have been similar in many ways but i am only celebrating my 3rd anniversary of my 21st! hehehe! Have a great day :)
Posted by: Ylana | February 18, 2009 at 03:53 PM
Kellie,
You just ooze talent. Like your pretty flowers, you grew up in dirt and manure. And look what bloomed! Thank you for sharing. May you continue to bloom and bring sunshine to others.
Melanie
Posted by: Melanie | February 18, 2009 at 03:55 PM
God bless you. I'm from some of those places, too; not all of them; some others. It hurts and heals to tell people where you're from. Thank you.
Happy Birthday.
Posted by: Holly | February 18, 2009 at 03:58 PM
Happy Birthday Kellie.
I hope the writing has been really cathartic.
You do yourself a disservice to say that yours is not as well written - it is clearly deeply considered. Both stories (Kirstens and yours)come from truth, and reflection, so both are beautiful - even if the stories you are telling are not all shiny and happy. In my opinion a sincere blog is much better than a purely glossy one.
Happy 40th Birthday - I hope you wring every drop of celebration out of it, perhaps as a festival of Kellie - I wonder who will make the decorations ;-)?
Posted by: Claire - Matching Pegs | February 18, 2009 at 04:24 PM
Happy Birthday Kellie :) I think reflection is in the air with all this smoke.
Posted by: Leah | February 18, 2009 at 04:36 PM
Happy birthday Kellie!! I hope you have a really nice day today..
Posted by: Ilse | February 18, 2009 at 04:45 PM
I really enjoyed this post. I think it was beatifully written and so obviously from the heart. It spoke to me! And just look what an amazing artist and mother (of artists!) you have become!
I don't know you in RL, just through this blog, but you seem to be set for another great 40 years!!! I hope you have them and more!
Posted by: Lisa | February 18, 2009 at 04:54 PM
Many Happy Returns for your Birthday Kellie!! I love the card!! Hope that you have an awesome birthday. :)
Posted by: Maree @ Farmyardcrafts | February 18, 2009 at 05:06 PM
Happy Birthday Kellie. I hope you have had a great day.
And I'm glad turning 40 isn't too scary, 'cause my turn is coming in June.
Posted by: Nic | February 18, 2009 at 05:27 PM
Happy BIrthday : )
This post has humbled me. Your work is amazing (as I have said before) colourful and lively. I am trying to find the right words to say about your past...
Your blog ozzes happiness, cheerfulness and joy
Posted by: Sarah | February 18, 2009 at 05:38 PM
Happy Birthday
Posted by: Melissa | February 18, 2009 at 05:38 PM
Wow, I am speechless & in awe of you!
Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday.
Blessings
Janelle
Posted by: Janellybelly | February 18, 2009 at 05:50 PM
And you are talented and beautiful. A very happy birthday to you!
Your writing is so eloquent and touching, an inspirational post and with gorgeous photos.
Posted by: Janet | February 18, 2009 at 06:00 PM
Happy birthday Kellie, it only gets better from here, wait till you hit your 50's...*s* You know I adore your work and am in awe of your creativity.
Thank you for sharing this post with us, it brought tears to my eyes. My hope and prayer is that the next 40 will be only the very best for you and your family.
Posted by: Linda | February 18, 2009 at 06:16 PM
Oh wow - beautiful words wrapped around difficult subject matter. Amazing. I'm looking forward to meeting you next week as you pick up your birhtday present!
Posted by: tracey petersen | February 18, 2009 at 06:23 PM
Happy Birthday Kellie!
I believe that people are the sum of they past, present and their hopes for the future. You are an amazing, creative, wonderful person and I hope that your present and hopes for the future will forever outweigh the parts of your past that get you down. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Pikku-Kettu | February 18, 2009 at 07:02 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLIE!!!!! Hope you have a great day. As always I really enjoyed this post, yet this one is extra special. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Hayley | February 18, 2009 at 07:08 PM
I don't know what to say, your words are so beautiful but so sad at the same time. You are a lovely person and a wonderful mother - hoping you are having a brilliant day . Happy Birthday
Lisa x
Posted by: periwinkle | February 18, 2009 at 07:16 PM
Best wishes for a wonderful birthday Kellie!! Life gets better after 40. Glad your life now is filled with joy, laughter, love, colour and creativity! Hope your family spoil you rotten. (Love the sweet ladybird on your quilt).
Posted by: Lisa | February 18, 2009 at 07:44 PM
Happy Birthday Kellie. I know SO many talented people who have turned 40 in the past year - 1968/69 must have had the planets aligned beautifully. Thank you so much for sharing your "I am from" - I am deeply touched, it is so beautifully written and your honesty shines through. You have become an amazing artist and truly devoted mother; you have much to be proud of. I look forward to getting to know you more in real life. Have a very lovely day.
Posted by: Lara | February 18, 2009 at 07:45 PM
Happy Birthday Kellie
Won't forget your birthday in a hurry, it's the same day as my darling Dads! Beautiful post and you should be very proud of what you have become.
Tracey
Posted by: Tracey | February 18, 2009 at 07:48 PM
Happy Birthday Kellie! Life just gets better and better...it was beautiful to read your story, I'm sure it has made you who you are and a wonderful mother to your beautiful children.
Posted by: soo | February 18, 2009 at 08:11 PM
Wowser! What an amazing, open, heart-wrenching, beautifully written post. Thankyou so very much for sharing. I really enjoyed it, and from having met you in person... I don't know, it just makes you all the more special. Happy Birthday Kellie!!
Posted by: Gillian aka Silly Gilly | February 18, 2009 at 08:29 PM
What an amazing writer you are, as well as an amazing quilter.
Happy Birthday, welcome to your 40s!
Posted by: French Knots | February 18, 2009 at 08:39 PM
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear Kellie!
Happy Birthday to you! (in perfect harmony)
Loved the card...told that to my dh who has just celebrated his 20th anniversary of his 21st ;o)
Posted by: Jane Weston | February 18, 2009 at 08:56 PM
Dear Kellie - a very happy 40th birthday to you. I am just two extra times around the sun than you, and it is all good! This post is very special, eloquent, moving & brave. Thank you for sharing so much with us in such a beautiful way. You have obviously survived to become a wonderfully talented, gentle & artistic soul in spite of a difficult past. That is no mean feat! I hope & pray for many happy years to come for you & that tough memories might ease as time passes. Best wishes, Ros.
Posted by: Bloom | February 18, 2009 at 10:02 PM
Congratulations Kellie....you are! what an amazing reflection of your life to date....this is what made you the person you are today.....you have known adversity and triumphed....may the next 40 years be filled with the love of your family and much happiness....and of course more creativeness!!Happy Birthday!
Posted by: Lorraine | February 18, 2009 at 10:19 PM
40?? Been there, done that. Happy Birthday!
Posted by: Shari | February 18, 2009 at 10:32 PM
Happy Birthday Kellie and thankyou for all the beauty you bring to my world.
Love Marie/x
Posted by: Marie | February 18, 2009 at 10:42 PM
Wow what a powerful and amazing post. You are truly inspiring. I hope you had a fantastic day! Happy Birthday!!
Posted by: Louise | February 18, 2009 at 10:46 PM
I hope you have a lovely day, surrounded by loving family. happy birthday. xx
Posted by: driftwood | February 18, 2009 at 11:42 PM
I hope you have the happiest birthday ever! Now that you're 40 you can say things you never would have before . . . I call it wisdom - my kids call it embarrassing! Have a great day. - Marlene
Posted by: Sipiweske Quilts | February 18, 2009 at 11:54 PM
Wow, Happy Birthday Kellie - didn't realise when we were emailing this morning! Hope you had the really super day you deserve! You can let me know what 40 is like when we meet next week - I've got about 9 weeks to prepare myself!
Jan
Posted by: Jan | February 18, 2009 at 11:55 PM
Happy Birthday, Kellie!!
Posted by: amy lobsiger | February 19, 2009 at 12:04 AM
Happy Birthday. I am relatively new to your blog but I really enjoy it. I will turn 50 this year so am leaving my 40's behind. They were a fabulous decade. It sounds like you had a rough start but it also sounds like you have managed to overcome it and spread your wings and fly. Your children are beautiful. Sometimes the worst things our parents do to us, if we can get over them, allow us to become that much better parents ourselves. You should be proud of the person you have become!
Posted by: Mamaspark | February 19, 2009 at 12:16 AM
Happy Birthday!
Posted by: maryanne | February 19, 2009 at 12:19 AM
Hi Kellie,
a heartfelt HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you!
Thank you for sharing your story...it is...touching...and somehow I want to hug that little child that you were...but I believe the woman you've grown to don't need that from somebody who just celebrated the 5th anniversary of her 21st birthday. You're much stronger than most people I know. You're an amazing and talented crafter & I do think you're a wonderful person...
I hope you have a wonderful day celebrating YOU!
~ happy birthday & greetings from the other side of the pond
Julia
Posted by: Julia Helen-Maria Vogt | February 19, 2009 at 12:43 AM
What a heartfelt and sincere "I am from" - you have done so well and should be incredibly proud of yourself for becoming who you are and not who you could have been. Really beautifully written.
Happy Birthday!
Lucy xxx
Posted by: Lucy Locket-Pocket | February 19, 2009 at 12:48 AM
Happy Birthday Kellie! I just celebrated my 40th this month as well. I don't feel it which is good lol! Thank you for sharing your story, it was wonderful. I cannot wait to see what you got for your birthday! I hope it is a nice big shiny new machine!
Posted by: Lynn T | February 19, 2009 at 01:31 AM
Kellie, what a wonderful writer too! thanks for sharing. You are a beautiful person with so many talents. My 40th has come and gone many suns ago. Enjoy many more and will be anxious to hear what wonderful things you did to celebrate. Happiest of birthdays to you!
Love, Lisa
Posted by: upstatelisa | February 19, 2009 at 01:38 AM
Happy birthday! Many more anniversaries to come.
Posted by: Jackie | February 19, 2009 at 01:49 AM
Many happy returns! Life begins at 40, mine was scarlet fever, hysterectomy, diagnosed as in need of gluten free diet..... oh it was all such fun! treasure each day and each smile. x
Posted by: jill | February 19, 2009 at 02:13 AM
Happy Birthday!
Posted by: sandra | February 19, 2009 at 02:42 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You look marvelous :)
I recently turned 40 this month also. No big deal. Like you, I feel better at this age. With age comes great intellect and understanding.
Hope you get lots of goodies! Aren't you supposed to get 40 things on your 40th b-day?
Posted by: Robin (rsislandcrafts) | February 19, 2009 at 03:59 AM
Wow...from deep in the heart. Thank you for sharing. Happy Birthday. You have come a long way.
Posted by: Mary on Lake Pulaski | February 19, 2009 at 04:12 AM